Protecting Your Child Online
It’s 2 A.M., do you know who’s looking at your child’s Facebook profile? Children and teen-agers are putting an unprecedented amount of information about themselves on online social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube. These sites are popular because they provide a global platform for communicating to the world. That is why marketers, public relations professionals, entrepreneurs, and other people who seek to reach a global audience have embraced online social networking sites. However, this global platform also attracts a demographic that often lacks the decision making skills to properly protect themselves from online danger: children.
Children of all ages are exposed to near ubiquitous access to the internet.
Children lack the maturity to deal with the exposure provided by online social networking sites. This leaves them vulnerable to those who would exploit this vulnerability in order to bring harm to a child. This includes child predators, stalkers, or even other children who may use sites like Facebook as a platform for bullying. It is important that parents and guardians understand how to protect their children from the potential risks of maintaining an online presence. There are three simple steps that can be done to protect children who participate in online social networks.
1. Relationship Matters
Spending quality time offline will provide a foundation for moderating online relationships.
The first step in protecting your child online is making sure you have a healthy relationship offline. Children need to feel that open lines of communication exist before they feel comfortable discussing their online activities. If you only “check in” on your child to get sound bites of their life, then you probably don’t know your child very well. They may resist further probes into the detailed facts of their lives, but children inwardly yearn for such attention because it is a sign that you really care.
By having a strong relationship with your child, you earn the right to have open discussions about what they do and are exposed to online. This allows you the freedom to ask about the people they interact with online, and it gives your child the freedom to come to you when they have questions about any online situations they encounter.
The importance of strong relational ties also extends to your child’s friends. It is very likely that the same kids who are close friends with your child in real life are also friends with them on online social networking sites. By understanding the backgrounds and interests of your child’s friends, you can get a better grasp of the type of people they will attract. Since online social networking sites are usually designed to reduce the degrees of separation between people, online predators who are drawn to the friends of your child will often come into closer virtual proximity to your child.
2. Privacy Acts
Parents and guardians hold the key to the online safety of children.
One of the first principles a parent or guardian needs to explain to a child is the importance of privacy. We live in a celebrity obsessed culture, and many people involved in social media measure their own “internet fame” by how many people are friends with them on Facebook, follow them on Twitter, watch their YouTube videos, comment on their blogs, etc. Children are particularly prone to this desire to have large numbers of online followers because this is often tied to popularity in the real world.
I recommend that parents and guardians set a rule for very young children that they only maintain online connections with people they actually know. That means that it is fine to have online connections to other students in their school system or their peers with whom they engage in extracurricular activities (e.g., sports, religious activities, volunteer groups, etc.). However, if they want to connect to anyone they don’t know, then they need to explain to you why such a connection is necessary.
How can a this rule be monitored? I believe that children under the age of 13 should be required to have at least one parent or guardian be connected to them on any online social network in which they participate. That means you should be friends with them on Facebook, follow them on Twitter, subscribe to their YouTube channel, etc. That gives you visibility to the child’s circle of online of friends and the ability to question any connections they make.
Parents and guardians also need to understand how to help their children understand the privacy settings of the online social networking sites they use. I recommend that children under the age of 13 should protect their tweets on Twitter meaning that people need to request to follow them on Twitter. Facebook is a more closed platform than Twitter, but some of the privacy settings are set to be open to everyone by default. In general, these need to be changed to “Only Friends”.
Parents also need to make sure their kids understand that their password should not be shared with anyone. I also think that it is fine if children don’t reveal their passwords to their parents. Strong relationships require an atmosphere of trust, and it is important that children believe that some aspects of their privacy are protected. However, if there are any signs that a child is engaged in inappropriate online activities, then the parent has the right to forbid access to online social networks for a set period of time.
3. Block First but Tackle if Necessary
Ultimately, parents are responsible for the online protection of young people.
Even if you tightly restrict the number and type of people you child interacts with when using online social networks, it is likely that they may encounter objectionable content or behavior. This can take the form of pictures or videos that show their peers engaging in activities that go against the values you want your child to follow. Or, someone may seek to embarrass your child by making negative comments about them online or posting unflattering pictures. It is also possible that YOUR child may be the one that is trying to hurt someone using an online social network!
It’s important to first talk with your child and come to an agreement that the behavior is inappropriate. If you’ve done a good job building a strong relationship with your child, then they will come to you when they see something online that disturbs them. This will help them buy into the assessment that the behavior is wrong and needs to be addressed. Many people who do things like try to bully others online are looking for a reaction. By not reacting, that person is robbed of the outcome they sought to obtain though their behavior. So, encouraging your child to not respond to the online activity is often a good first step.
If the person doing the inappropriate behavior is not a close friend of your child, you probably should advise your child to block their account. However, “defriending” someone is often seen as an offensive act, so it is probably a good idea to have your child directly address the person about their behavior whether it is a good friend or not. You can coach your child on how to do this, and such experiences are often valuable teachable moments for helping your child deal with future interpersonal contacts. Yet, you should be prepared to speak with the parent or guardian of the offending child if your child is uncomfortable doing this.
If the offensive behavior persists despite repeated attempts to block the person from interacting with your child, then tackle the problem head on by reporting it to the administrators of the online social network. Facebook makes this easy by including a “Report This” on almost every page whether it is your child’s wall or inbox. Other sites have similar mechanisms for reporting bad behavior.
You should be prepared to call the police if the behavior is particularly egregious or if you believe that your child’s life is in danger. Law enforcement is becoming aware at the growing threat of online harassment, and officers are getting better at dealing with these issues. However, be prepared to present of evidence of the behavior by taking screenshots and printing out examples of what is happening to your child.
Finally, if your child is the one who is doing the bullying, then you should immediately address the issue. Explain that they should only say things online that they would tell someone in person. If that is not deterrent enough, then consider removing their access to the internet (including mobile devices with online access) until they demonstrate the maturity necessary to have the privilege restored.
By building strong relationships, protecting their privacy, and blocking (and reporting when necessary) inappropriate behaviors, parents and guardians can set safe boundaries for the online identities and activities of their children.